Post by swordwind on Aug 2, 2010 19:58:58 GMT -5
I hope this is more helpful than irritating.
All of the following are revisions to the introduction. I do believe that several of these errors have already been reported.
things are always falling into the so called "Pit".
things are always falling into the so-called 'Pit.'
Everything falls in the pit: people, monsters, treasure, garbage, and and everything in between
Anything can fall through the pit: people, monsters, treasure, garbage, and and everything in between
Note: Repeating "everything" seems awkward. Furthermore, things are coming from the pit, so I'd use 'through.'
the members of the guard are paid mainly for whatever they find of value---> draw most of their salary from valuables they come across.
On the outskirts of the other side of Magmell,lies another menace, the "Green".
On the outskirts of the other side of Magmell lies another menace, the 'Green.'
No one knows for certain if the Green was there to begin with or something that fell from the pit.
No one knows for certain if the Green was there to begin with, or if it's something that fell from the pit.
But the fact remains that clearing the green
But the fact remains that clearing the Green
These surges can swallow entire blocks of Magmell in a night. People and all.
These surges can swallow entire blocks of Magmell in a night, People and all.
For now let me guide you in the first
For now, let me guide you in the first
Right now there isn't much to see
Right now, there isn't much to see.
OR: There (really) isn't much to see right now.
First things first, lets go to the auction house and purchase your first slave.
First things first, let's go to the auction house and purchase your first slave.
Note: You also use the word "first" three times in one sentence. It makes me giggle, which actually may be a good thing.
Most of the time we won't be able to leave the house at the same time.
Generally speaking, we won't be able to leave the house at the same time.
Or, at least: Most of the time, we won't be able to leave the house at the same time.
General notes:
If the term has not been described at a prior point in time (it's just now being introduced), use ' instead of ".
Periods go before the closing ' or " in most cases. An exception would be a citation.
All of the following are revisions to the introduction. I do believe that several of these errors have already been reported.
things are always falling into the so called "Pit".
things are always falling into the so-called 'Pit.'
Everything falls in the pit: people, monsters, treasure, garbage, and and everything in between
Anything can fall through the pit: people, monsters, treasure, garbage, and and everything in between
Note: Repeating "everything" seems awkward. Furthermore, things are coming from the pit, so I'd use 'through.'
the members of the guard are paid mainly for whatever they find of value---> draw most of their salary from valuables they come across.
On the outskirts of the other side of Magmell,lies another menace, the "Green".
On the outskirts of the other side of Magmell lies another menace, the 'Green.'
No one knows for certain if the Green was there to begin with or something that fell from the pit.
No one knows for certain if the Green was there to begin with, or if it's something that fell from the pit.
But the fact remains that clearing the green
But the fact remains that clearing the Green
These surges can swallow entire blocks of Magmell in a night. People and all.
These surges can swallow entire blocks of Magmell in a night, People and all.
For now let me guide you in the first
For now, let me guide you in the first
Right now there isn't much to see
Right now, there isn't much to see.
OR: There (really) isn't much to see right now.
First things first, lets go to the auction house and purchase your first slave.
First things first, let's go to the auction house and purchase your first slave.
Note: You also use the word "first" three times in one sentence. It makes me giggle, which actually may be a good thing.
Most of the time we won't be able to leave the house at the same time.
Generally speaking, we won't be able to leave the house at the same time.
Or, at least: Most of the time, we won't be able to leave the house at the same time.
General notes:
If the term has not been described at a prior point in time (it's just now being introduced), use ' instead of ".
Periods go before the closing ' or " in most cases. An exception would be a citation.
