Text 9/30/10

[daisy_strike]

Close to a new release so a new script... first one in 2 months.

www.mediafire.com/?8q5vddbtn7z27ok

Thanks to all the editors.

Daisy

[flagnine1]

i think for the pig training it should be slop not slops.

[ieraceu]

under painting artist +2, ostrich is misspelled.
under masturbation not futa okay, the end of the description is missing some words.

[slackerfuu]

;D ;D

The slave will practice singing the most basic of music skills, but one of the hardest to master. A true singer can change the emotions of her audience with but a single note.
The slave will practice singing. The most basic of music skills, but one of the hardest to master. A true singer can change the emotions of her audience with but a single note.

The slave will learn the basics of industrial drafting, the basics of engineering and architecture.
The slave will learn the basics of industrial drafting, engineering and architecture.

The slave will practice creating pottery and other clay sculptures.
The slave will practice creating pottery and other clay objects.

For the Treated like a ____, I assume it's a job you're currently doing (if it's an ongoing/permanent thing, don't change it), so:
Treated like a Cow. The slave will be treated like a cow, allowed no interaction as a human, clothes, and only be rewarded if she acts like a cow in return.
Treat like a Cow. The slave will be treated like a cow. She will have no interaction as a human. She will not be allowed clothes and only be rewarded if she acts like a cow.
~~rewarded with? she's a cow, I don't see what you'd give her other than a bigger stall/food. Maybe pleasure her?

Treated like a Pony Girl. The slave will be treated like a pony girl. Taught to trot, pull a cart, and restrained from talking.
Treat like a Pony Girl. The slave will be treated like a pony girl. Taught to trot and pull a cart. Restrained from talking.

Treated like a Pig Girl. The slave will be treated like a pig. Fed slops, punished heavily for doing anything remotely human, and constantly degraded.
Treat like a Pig Girl. The slave will be treated like a pig. She will be fed slop, punished heavily for doing anything remotely human and constantly degraded.

Type of room, and the rooms upkeep.
Type of room, and the room's upkeep.

Dirt, the cleanliness of the room, a clean room is a happy room, also cleaning the house will clean all the rooms(NOT IMPLEMENTED).
Dirt. The cleanliness of the room. A clean room is a happy room. Cleaning the house will clean all the rooms(NOT IMPLEMENTED).

Internal Security, affects the chance that a girl will be able to run away.
Internal Security. Affects the chance that a girl will be able to run away.

External Defense, the chance of the slaves being attacked from outside elements while in there rooms.
External Defense. The chance of the slaves being attacked from outside elements while in their rooms.

Furniture, give bonuses to the slaves in the room as well as can add jobs and tasks(NOT IMPLEMENTED).
Furniture. Can give bonuses to the slaves in the room as well as add jobs and tasks(NOT IMPLEMENTED).

Room Jobs, all the jobs that are available for the slave to perform in this room. Just because you assign a slave to a job doesn't mean that she will be able to accomplish the task if her abilities or skills are not compatiable, or learned.
Room Jobs. All the jobs that are available for the slave to perform in this room. Just because you assign a slave to a job doesn't mean that she will be able to accomplish the task if her abilities or skills are not compatible or learned.
maybe:
Room Jobs. All the jobs that are available for the slave to perform in this room. Be aware that a slave won't be able to do a job if her skills/abilities are too low, or her current class prevents her from learning something.

Current Jobs, the jobs that the room is currently doing and the times that they are happening at.
Current Jobs. The jobs that the room is currently doing and the times that they are happening at.
maybe:
Current Jobs. The times the room is currently scheduled to be in use and for what purpose.
or:
Current Jobs. The times the room is currently scheduled to be in use and who's using it and for what purpose.
using 'for what purpose' because 'why' might seem a little off without a '?'.

Tasks, are cumilative goals for a room are status of an item being produced(NOT IMPLEMENTED).
Tasks. Cumulative goals for a room (i.e. status of an item being produced)(NOT IMPLEMENTED).

How much the slaves weigh.
How much the slave weighs.

The size of the slaves breasts, they say bigger is better, but not if your a lolicon.
The size of the slave's breasts. They say bigger is better...but not if you're a lolicon.

Indicates whether or not the girl is a prime or the original version that the dimensional copies are based off.
Indicates whether or not the girl is a prime that the dimensional copies are based off of.
OR:
Indicates whether or not the girl is the original version that the dimensional copies are based off of.
I'd suggest the first, since prime is used more regularly.

Walk around Temple Street. " + town() + " law requires that all religious buildings must be on this street, which is but a small walk from the pit. It is unsure if the king made this rule to use them as a defense against attack or so that they would be the first destroyed.
Walk around Temple Street. " + town() + " law requires that all religious buildings be on this street, which is but a short walk from the pit. It is unknown whether the king made this rule to use them as a defense against attack or so that they would be the first destroyed.

It is unsure what you will find that close to the pit, or what might find you.
It is unknown what you will find that close to the pit...or what might find you.

Only open in the afternoon and evening, almost anything is sold in the red light district, be it pleasures of the flesh, drugs, alcohol and more exotic... pleasures.
Only open in the afternoon and evening, almost anything is sold in the red light district, be it pleasures of the flesh, drugs, alcohol or more exotic... pleasures.

Supervise slave labor Crew Jobs, as your slave works as one of the chain gang.
Supervise slave labor crews as your slave works as one of the chain gang.

Unable to repeat no job was done before during this shift.
Unable to repeat no job was previously done during this shift.

After a slave is branded you can pay the guild to enpower the magical brand.
After a slave is branded you can pay the guild to empower the magical brand.

Cost 1gp per upkeep The change for health is -10, -5, 0, 5, 10.
Cost 1gp per upkeep. The change for health is -10, -5, 0, 5, 10.

For a small fee, " + peopleName(1800) + " will enlarge the size of your house, if there is room to expand. Different houses, can be expanded in different ways, up to there max size.
For a small fee, " + peopleName(1800) + " will enlarge the size of your house if there is room to expand. Different houses can be expanded in different ways, up to their max size.

Master Bedrooms, are the rooms shared between you and your assistants and allow personalized training.
Master Bedrooms. The rooms shared between you and your assistants. They allow personalized training.
OR:
Master Bedrooms. The rooms used by you and your assistants. They allow personalized training.

Rooms, are the small spaces that the slaves are kept in and perform there daily training or tasks from.
Rooms. The small spaces that the slaves are kept in and perform their daily training or tasks from.

You can expand this room size allowing you more master bedrooms that your assistants can train from.
~~so you need to upgrade a room to a master bedroom?
if you meant expand the house, then:
You can expand this house's size a lot, allowing you more master bedrooms that your assistants can train from.

You can expand this room size allowing you more rooms that you can train slaves in.
You can expand this house's size a little bit, allowing you more rooms that you can train slaves in.
~~hope that's what you meant

The most basic type of room, if you could really call it that just an empty space waiting to become more.
The most basic type of room, if you could really call it that. Just an empty space waiting to become more.

Job List: Rest, whore, lockdown, and cleaning.
Job List: Rest, Whore, Lockdown, Cleaning.

Job List: Rest, singing practice, dancing practice, instrument practice, and cleaning.
Job List: Rest, Singing Practice, Dancing Practice, Instrument Practice, Cleaning.

A room designed to allow for the slave to grow her musical skills, with out annoying the other rooms near her.
A room designed to allow the slave to practice her musical skills without annoying other people in the house.

~~same as above: if it's ongoing/permanent, don't change
Job List: Rest, Treated like a Cow, Treated like a Pony, Treated like a Pig, Lockdown.
Job List: Rest, Treat like a Cow, Treat like a Pony, Treat like a Pig, Lockdown.

A room originaly designed for the housing of farm animals. It continues that trend if your trying to raise an animal not a human.
A room originally designed for the housing of farm animals. It continues that trend if you're trying to raise an animal; not a human.

Job List: Rest, Drafting Practice, Painting Practice, Sculpting Practice, and cleaning.
Job List: Rest, Drafting Practice, Painting Practice, Sculpting Practice, Cleaning.

A room designed to allow the growth of an artist and the creation of that art.
A room designed to allow the growth of an artist and the creation of art.

There are many diffent styles of dancing but the most common taught to slaves are those meant to arouse and excite the person watching.
There are many different styles of dancing but the ones most commonly taught to slaves are those meant to arouse and excite the person watching.

Spent the shift in lock down, chained to the floor, and unable to escape.
Spent the shift in lock down, chained to the floor and unable to escape.
OR:
Spent the shift in lock down, chained to the floor, unable to escape.

A bunch of rowdy drunks push you.
A bunch of rowdy drunks push past you.

Your slave was able to dance a little, and learned something about rythm.
Your slave was able to dance a little, and learned something about rhythm.

Covering your ears, you wait for your slave to stop the murder of music.
~~seems a little off. no ideas on how to change it though.

She tried to play a little tune on her instrument, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either.
She tried to play a little tune on her instrument. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either.

Your slave wasted paper and pencil, with out ever drawing a straight line.
maybe:
Your slave wasted paper and pencil, with out ever drawing a single straight line.

After an hour or two or trying she was finally able to draw the architectual plans for an outhouse.
After an hour or two of trying she was finally able to draw architectural plans for an outhouse.

Paint, globbed on paint globbed, on paint.
?? ??
maybe:
Globs and globs of paint.
or:
She tried to paint. You think. That or see how much paint she could pile up on the canvas.

It might be a duck, or a chicken, or an ostriage, maybe a dog?
It might be a duck. Or a chicken. Or an ostrich. Maybe a dog?

She is showing definite improvement, creating a landscape, of the back yard.
She is showing definite improvement, creating a landscape of the back yard.

She definitly improved her skills today, but had nothing to show for it but a mess.
She definitely improved her skills today, but had nothing to show for it but a mess.

She spends most of her time eating, whatever is put in her trough.
She spends most of her time eating whatever is put in her trough.

The slave is unsure what to do, you spend the majority of the time telling her how to use her tits. Leaving you feeling unsatisfied.
The slave is unsure what to do so you spend the majority of the time telling her how to use her tits leaving you feeling unsatisfied.
OR:
The slave is unsure what to do. You spend the majority of the time telling her how to use her tits. You leave feeling unsatisfied.

Its not bad but she doesn't seem to be able to use her mouth and her tits at the same time.
It's not bad but she doesn't seem to be able to use her mouth and her tits at the same time.

Your slaves mouth and tits engulf your penis. It takes all your will power to not come immediatly, even so you cum quickly. The slaves happily swallows the cum, still playing with her breasts.
Your slave's mouth and tits engulf your penis. It takes all your will power to not come immediately yet even so you cum quickly. The slave happily swallows your cum, still playing with her breasts.

The slaves plays with your clit, and its enough to make you wet, but you grow bored before she can make you cum.
The slave plays with your clit. It's enough to make you wet, but you grow bored before she can make you cum.

She plays your clit and slit as if it was an instrument, bringing you to orgasm, and then with out pausing forcing you to orgasm again and again, until gasping for breath you order her to stop.
She plays your clit and slit as if it was an instrument, bringing you to orgasm and then, with out pausing, forcing you to orgasm again and again until, gasping for breath, you order her to stop.

You order yoru slave to masturbate in front of you to arouse you sexually.
You order your slave to masturbate in front of you to arouse you sexually.

She shows off her body, making sure that the entire time you can see everything, doing her best to arouse you but trying to hard her movements jerky and unsexy.
She shows off her body, making sure that the entire time you can see everything. She does her best to arouse you, but she tries too hard, making her movements jerky and unsexy.
~~maybe want another word for unsexy. maybe. though only because it doesn't appear to be an actual word. like the whole 'orgasmed' thing. I'd say use: 'not sexy', but that sounds really awkward.

Sexy, would not even begin to describe your slave as she plays with herself, her eyes never leaving your own crotch. It takes all of your will power not to leap up and rape her right there.
Sexy would not even begin to describe your slave as she plays with herself, her eyes never leaving your own crotch. It takes all of your willpower not to leap up and rape her right there.

The slave plays with her cock and her pussy at the same time, but quickly forgets about you all together as she cums, with out permission. Okay but not great for a sex slave.
The slave plays with her cock and her pussy at the same time, but quickly forgets about you all together as she cums without permission. Okay, but not great for a sex slave.
OR:
The slave plays with her cock and her pussy at the same time, but quickly forgets about you all together as she cums without permission. Okay, but not acceptable for a sex slave.

She bends over and begins thumping her cock as the ground as she gives you a great view of her open pussy begging for your attendance.
She bends over and begins thumping her cock against the ground as she gives you a great view of her open pussy begging for your attendance.

Your slave's flexibility astounds you as she deep throughts her own cock, and sets up a fast rythm, until she comes in her own mouth happily sucking it down and continues. You order her to stop and with some resists finally slides her cock out of her mouth.
Your slave's flexibility astounds you as she deep-throats her own cock, setting up a fast rhythm, until she comes in her own mouth. She happily sucks it all down and starts blowing herself again. You order her to stop and with some reluctance, she finally slides her cock out of her mouth.

Now how should I properly accesorize her?
Now...how should I properly accessorize her?

This girl already is wearing a tattoo.
This girl already has a tattoo.
~~they can't have more than one?

For everything there is a price.
For everything, there is a price.
OR:
There is a price for everything.
depends on how she speaks.

But, but, I really wanted to stab her!
But, but...I really wanted to stab her!
~~anyway to italicize 'really'

Have her take her top off and lets see if she screames.
Have her take her top off and lets see if she screams.

I'm sorry its this curse, it makes me laugh at everything and say the wrong thing.
I'm sorry... it's this curse: it makes me laugh at everything and say the wrong thing.

She laughs hard for a while wiping away tears. Trying to say something, but unable.
She laughs hard for a while, wiping away tears. She tries to say something, but is unable to.

Expand home... *laugh*, remodeling, *laugh* please don't... so funny... Need anything call me, expert... *giggle* remodeling!!! So funny!
Expand home... *laugh* remodeling *laugh* please don't... so funny... Need anything call me, expert... *giggle* remodeling!!! So funny!

She finally gives up and just walks away laughing the entire time.
She finally gives up and just walks away, laughing the entire time.

Trying to steal work with out paying is not a laughing matter.
Trying to steal work without paying is not a laughing matter.

Trying to be funny, there both the same room.
Trying to be funny? They're both the same room.

*Laugh* Your such a commedian, there both the same room. *giggle*
*Laugh* Your such a comedian, they're both the same room. *giggle*

She quickly rushes off to the newest visitor, contiously talking all the time.
She quickly rushes off to the newest visitor, talking constantly.

*Laugh*You ever here the one about...
*Laugh*You ever hear the one about...

You ask Yuki about something that is unfunny.
You ask Yuki to tell you about something that is not funny.

Something unfunny, hmm... I know just the thing.
Something not funny, hmm... I know just the thing.

Feral dog that eating people as he waits for his master.
A feral dog that eats people as he waits for his master.

She starts laughing up roariously, at the thought falling onto the ground holding her sides.
She starts laughing uproariously at the thought, falling onto the ground holding her sides.

that won't work, but *giggle*, it sounds like fun, I'm not oppsed to trying it.
that won't work, but *giggle* it sounds like fun... I'm not opposed to trying it.
~~twice it appears

With her in front of you, you reach around her body and pull her tight agaist your breasts.
With her in front of you, you reach around her body and pull her tight against your breasts.

WIth your hand you slowly stroak her clit and then down the folds of her pussy, then back up.
With your hand you slowly stroke her clit and then move your fingers down the folds of her pussy, then back up.

That feels really wonderful, please don't *giggle* stop. Right there, again.
That feels really wonderful. Please don't *giggle* stop. Right there... again.

The carpenter gasps sharply as you push your right and fingers inside of her and your left hand takes over massaging her clit.
The carpenter gasps sharply as you push your right and middle fingers inside of her and your left hand takes over massaging her clit.
~~I assume you meant middle finger, although in that case try:
The carpenter gasps sharply as you push your right pointer and middle fingers inside of her and your left hand takes over massaging her clit.
~~'course you could've meant:
The carpenter gasps sharply as you push your right hand's fingers inside of her and your left hand takes over massaging her clit.
~~bah. maybe:
The carpenter gasps sharply as you push two fingers inside of her and your left hand takes over massaging her clit.

She turns her head slowly and gives you a wet long kiss, with out a single giggle.
She turns her head slowly and gives you a long, wet kiss, without a single giggle.

Keep girls mouth shut and she won't laugh.
Keep girl's mouth shut and she won't laugh.

Unlike the great, " + peopleName(1125) + " you might not have enough to fill her mouth but can still try.
Unlike the great " + peopleName(1125) + ", you might not have enough to fill her mouth, but can still try.

Unlike the great, " + peopleName(1125) + " you have nothing to fill her mouth. But stick something in her other mouth and moan will become laugh.
Unlike the great " + peopleName(1125) + ", you have nothing to fill her mouth. But stick something in her other mouth and laugh will become moan.

That is what, " + peopleName(1125) + " thinks, now I go look at the slaves in the pens again.
That is what " + peopleName(1125) + " thinks. Now I go look at the slaves in the pens again.

You explain " + peopleName(1800) + " idea to " + peopleName(1800) + " about putting something else in her mouth.
and
You explain " + peopleName(1800) + " idea to " + peopleName(1800) + " about putting something else in her lower mouth
~~just look at it for a sec...
might be:
" + peopleName(1125) + "'s
instead of the first 1800 person

She kneels on the ground as she pulls out your penis, and then gives it the tip a kiss.
She kneels on the ground as she pulls out your penis and gives the tip of it a kiss.

Grabs her own tits and begins draws them close together cupping your penis in between as she continues to suck on the tip of your penis.
Grabs her own tits and begins draws them close together, cupping your penis in-between them as she continues to suck on the tip of your penis.

She giggles a little but the vibration feels wonderful on your dick. Unable to help yourself you beging to fuck her tits your hands resting authoritarian on her head.
She giggles a little, but the vibration feels wonderful on your dick. Unable to help yourself you begin to fuck her tits, your hands resting authoritarian on her head.

After just a minute or two you are unable to contain yourself and let loose inside her mouth with a stringy cum.
After just a minute or two you are unable to contain yourself and let loose inside her mouth with a <some word> of stringy cum.

Well I guess if one mouth doesn't work play with the other one.
Well I guess if one mouth doesn't work: play with the other one.
OR:
Well I guess if one mouth doesn't work, play with the other one.

You know where to put it with out a guide?
You know where to put it without a guide?

Foreplay over with, you stick it hard and fast in her and keep on thrusting. Her giggles quickly turn to moans, in appreciation.
Foreplay over with, you stick it in her hard and fast and keep on thrusting. Her giggles quickly turn to moans of appreciation.

Turning up the speed even faster, you give a hard grunt and moaning together with a climaxing " + peopleName(1800) + " shooting your cum deep into her womb.
Turning up the speed even faster, you give a hard grunt and, moaning together with a climaxing " + peopleName(1800) + ", shoot your cum deep into her womb.

[slackerfuu]

or made by the citizens of " + town() + "
dunno how to add it, but needs a period to show up after Magmell.
think it would look like:
or made by the citizens of " + town() + ".
but not sure

Help me atleast control it... *Laugh* something not funny... *giggle*, please.
Help me at least control it... *Laugh* something not funny... *giggle* please.

You explain " + peopleName(1800) + " idea to " + peopleName(1800) + " about putting something else in her mouth.
You explain " + peopleName(1125) + "'s idea to " + peopleName(1800) + " about putting something else in her mouth.

You explain " + peopleName(1800) + " idea to " + peopleName(1800) + " about putting something else in her lower mouth
You explain " + peopleName(1125) + "'s idea to " + peopleName(1800) + " about putting something else in her lower mouth

And now I have a way to releive the symptoms... all I need is to be fucked.
And now I have a way to relieve the symptoms... all I need is to be fucked.

You make her both play with herself using the toy and to do exercises with her ass.
You make her both play with herself using the toy and do exercises with her ass.

Not in the text doc. you changed it for the current release:
She will not be allowed clothes and only be rewarded with human contact, if she acts like a cow.
She will not be allowed clothes and will be rewarded with human contact if she acts like a cow.

[slackerfuu]

All the text doesn't show up in-game, so here's what's probly gonna get cut off (took two texts that got cut off, counted the chars, got a number: 287 chars fit in the text box. funky number. blah). Not gonna include what I already mentioned in the bug reports. anyway, I'll just put the sentence that'll probly get cut off, so storyhoppers go right before it.


It doesn't take long for you to climax spraying cum all over her face and hair, and filling her mouth with your jizz.

As you blow your load deep into her mouth, she swallows hard and looks up at you, waiting for your next orders.

She scoops the cum off her face and licks her fingers clean.

As you fish out your dick and slide it between her ass cheeks, she reaches behind herself to guide your shaft directly to her tight hole.

"Yes, Master.\"<br>Dutifully she pulls down your pants, takes your cock in her mouth... and gives you one of the worst blowjobs of your life. Afterwards she looks miserable as you tell her all the things she did wrong, but listens dutifully.
~~Dunno about this one since it has that <br> (does that mean break? dunno what it means or how to read it, but pretty sure it does a new line thing).

"Of course, Master!\"<br>She's enthusiastic, at least, and while she still has hardly any idea of what she's doing, every so often she manages to lick you *just* right, or swallow at *just* the right time, to make her ministrations a bit more enjoyable than a sharp stick in the eye.
~~Same with this one. They'll probly get cut off.

By the time she's feeling better, you've gotten bored, and aren't in the mood any longer.

Moaning throatily with pleasure, she pushes forward, taking the head of your dick in her throat and caressing the underside of your shaft with her tongue.

overwhelmed by sensation, you come in her mouth after only a few minutes, and she pulls back, a thin trickle of come leaking from her mouth, as she proved unable to swallow it all.
~~Should probly make it:
Overwhelmed by sensation, you come in her mouth after only a few minutes, and she pulls back, a thin trickle of come leaking from her mouth, as she proved unable to swallow it all.
~~Not too big a change. The whole thing is:
Obediently, if not eagerly, your slave pulls your dick free of your clothes and takes it between her lips, sucking skillfully, quickly... overwhelmed by sensation, you come in her mouth after only a few minutes, and she pulls back, a thin trickle of come leaking from her mouth, as she proved unable to swallow it all.

When you finally come she swallows your load like it was the finest wine, and as she lifts her head from your crotch she licks her lips eagerly, wordless devotion filling her eyes.

Not just once but several times she sucks your cock, taking you in her throat with ease, teasing and caressing and sucking with the assurance that only a true professional can manage.
~~But here's the whole thing:
You spend hours with your slave, giving her the chance to demonstrate her almost unparalleled skills as a cocksucker. Not just once but several times she sucks your cock, taking you in her throat with ease, teasing and caressing and sucking with the assurance that only a true professional can manage.

With a final thrust you pump cum deep inside of her, reveling in the pleasure of her pussy constricting around your cock, milking it of every last drop of cum.

She spreads her labia and rubs her clit in anticipation of your hard dick and mews with pleasure as you finally make contact.

Your slave sighs her pleasure and asks if you're ready for another round.

After you've finished she sniffles quietly, and takes little comfort from your assurances that it gets better with time.

It hurts her as your cock enters her for the first time, but she does not protest or push you away, and as you start moving atop her her breath catches, pleasure starting to grow as the pain recedes.

By the time you've shot your load inside of her she's even smiling shakily, and you feel secure in the knowledge that she'll learn to love it.

~~Here's that whole block of text:
storyHopper.push("<b>" + peopleName(10) + "</b><br>\"I-if you say so, Master,\" she whispers, bravely parting her legs for you despite her obvious nervousness. It hurts her as your cock enters her for the first time, but she does not protest or push you away, and as you start moving atop her her breath catches, pleasure starting to grow as the pain recedes. By the time you've shot your load inside of her she's even smiling shakily, and you feel secure in the knowledge that she'll learn to love it. )");
~~The end parent before the end quote: don't think that should be there. doesn't look like it's part of the syntax is why.

Her struggles cease as you fuck her, and though she shows no sign of enjoyment, her tight, novice cunt soon has you coming. She'll learn.

Her struggles only cease once you've shot your load, and as you pull out of her and stand, she scowls even more when you tell her that all her fighting just made it better for you.

Her pussy lips are glistening with her arousal as you part her legs, and though she tries not to show it, her low moans and the way her hips rise to meet you show how badly she wants it.

~~Here's all of it:
With a minimum of fuss the slave spreads her legs for you, obediently fucking you... but the results are less than satisfying. She's so wrapped up in how your cock makes *her* feel that she doesn't have the attention to devote to making *you* feel good, the way a proper slave girl should. She writhes beneath you with passion and enthusiasm, but she's got a long ways yet to go.
~~Change:
She's so wrapped up in how your cock makes *her* feel that she doesn't have the attention to devote to making *you* feel good, the way a proper slave girl should.
~~To:
She's so wrapped up in how your cock makes *her* feel that she doesn't have the attention to devote to making *you* feel good, the way a proper slave should.
~~Don't think there's much difference. And the following gets a storyhopper.push in front of it:
She writhes beneath you with passion and enthusiasm, but she's got a long ways yet to go.
~~That or storyhopper.push in front of the sentence I suggested changing.

Devoting her attention to pleasing you, she's able to get you to come in short order, and as you shoot your load inside of her her eyes fairly glow with pride.

Though eager to learn, she keeps getting distracted by her own pleasure and delight, unable to hold back the tides of her own orgasm before you've reached your climax.

Pressing kisses to your neck and shoulders as you piston your hips above her, she answers your cry of pleasure with one of her own, coming hard as you shoot your load inside of her, laying back and whispering \"I love you\" as you pull out.

You reach up to tweak her nipples and she cries out sharply, gasping with pleasure, her pussy gripping your dick tightly, milking you as you fill her womb with your jizz.

When she comes, she comes hard, and the spasms of her sex bring on your own orgasm, your seed filling her.

~~Whole thing is:
Your slave looks delighted when you tell her it's her turn to do all the work, and her body slides over yours as she crawls atop you, her breath catching in her throat before she impales herself on your waiting shaft. Her hips rotate this way and that as she grinds herself against you, her nails lightly raking your chest as she rides your thick cock, and when you cannot stand it any longer and shoot your load inside of her with a cry her own head rolls back, and she screams in delight as her own orgasm washes over her. Gasping for breath she almost collapses atop you, fairly purring in satisfaction.
~~Make it:
Your slave looks delighted when you tell her it's her turn to do all the work, and her body slides over yours as she crawls atop you, her breath catching in her throat before she impales herself on your waiting shaft.
storyhopper Her hips rotate this way and that as she grinds herself against you and her nails lightly rake your chest as she rides your thick cock.
storyhopper When you cannot stand it any longer and shoot your load inside of her with a cry her own head rolls back, and she screams in delight as her own orgasm washes over her. Gasping for breath she almost collapses atop you, fairly purring in satisfaction.
~~Ugh. I feel like I butchered that sentence. Meh. and obviously; storyhopper.push where I put storyhoppers.

A moment's pause, and then she's rising and falling, her breasts bouncing delightfully as she leans back, putting her body on display for you while she rides your shaft.

It's over almost too quickly, her passion and desire keeping her from holding back, and as you fill her womb with your come she cries out joyously.
~~Grammar stuff: maybe make it:
It's over almost too quickly, her passion and desire keep her from holding back and, as you fill her womb with your come, she cries out joyously.
~~but that still sounds awkward. maybe:
It's over almost too quickly, her passion and desire keep her from holding back and she cries out joyously as you fill her womb with your come.

Finally she lowers herself atop you, shivering with delight and anticipation, and starts to slowly, teasingly rock her hips back and forth, feeling you move within her.

She varies her pace, slowing when she feels your cock start to throb, trying to draw the act out for as long as she can, but finally your orgasm will not be denied, and her tight cunt milks you for all you're worth as she leans down to kiss you, giving thanks with her body.

~~GRAH. damn you and your incredibly long sentences dcb.

When you thrust your cock inside of her the walls of her sex grip tightly, and she shudders with excitement and desire; by the time you've finished fucking her you're both covered in sweat and gasping for breath, and her voice is hoarse from her cries of pleasure.

She does everything right - her hips rising and falling to meet your own, her arms wrapped tightly around you, her pussy greedily welcoming your cock's every hard thrust - but her heart isn't in it, and it shows, Even as you're coming, you can't help but feel a little unsatisfied.
~~Change it to:
storyhopper.push She does everything right - her hips rising and falling to meet your own, her arms wrapped tightly around you, her pussy greedily welcoming your cock's every hard thrust - but her heart isn't in it, and it shows.
storyhopper.push Even as you're coming, you can't help but feel a little unsatisfied.
~~I know the first storyhopper is just sorta: there. but there's text before it, so...

She uses every trick she's learned, and she's learned a lot, to make you feel good; her cunt grips your cock tightly, her breasts rub against your chest, she bites at your shoulder to muffle her cries of pleasure.

Finally your own climax overtakes you, and as you fill her with your seed she cries out wordlessly in sheer animal delight.

As you enter your slave's willing, eager pussy she gasps sharply, and soon she's writhing beneath you, her hips rising and falling to meet yours, her breath catching in her throat as climax after climax washes over her, giving herself over entirely to pleasure and desire.

She's trembling with desire from the moment you first touch her, and as you part her wet pussy lips with your cock she cries out, her first orgasm coming even while you're still entering her.

She gives herself over to the desire, the sheer need to be fucked, clinging to you and crying out each time you thrust yourself inside of her, and when you finally come she cries out sharply, wordlessly, and clings to you like a leaf in a high wind...

finally it's over, and still she clutches you, whispering her love for you in a hoarse, soundless voice.
~~But make it:
Finally it's over, and still she clutches you, whispering her love for you in a hoarse, soundless voice.
~~The 'f' wasn't caps 'cause it used to be attached to the previous sentence.

Even after you've come multiple times she knows how to arouse you once more.

You're an experienced and worldly man, but you have difficulty remembering the last time you felt this good, this sated.

There are tears in her eyes as you spill your seed into her bowels, and she lies still even as you leave the room, her defiance shattered under your will.

She's almost *too* tight, and she cries out in pain and anger as you spill your seed within her... but as you pull free of her you can see the glistening juices of her pussy, betraying the way her struggles excited her.

Once you've shot your load in her ass, she shudders as you pull your cock free, her ass still gaping invitingly.

Try as you might, you can't get her to relax her sphincter, meaning you have to push a lot harder and more forcefully than you might have liked; by the time you're filling her ass with your spunk, she's trying valiantly not to cry.

She promises, though, to try and do better next time...

She'll have to learn to relax her muscles and not squeeze you quite so uncomfortably, but once you start moving your hips and really fucking her she cries out softly, clearly learning to enjoy the sensation, and she welcomes your hot come eagerly.

She still hasn't learned to truly enjoy the sensation of your cock in her ass, but she's not struggling or crying anymore, and when you come inside of her she gasps with pleasure.

Still she looks pained and uncomfortable, and just lies there as you fuck her; finally you manage to come, and scold your slave for her lackluster performance.

The effort is paying off, as the way she moans and rocks back against you show that she's learning to enjoy the sensation of being fucked in the behind; she reaches down to caress the lips of her pussy as you fuck her, and when you come she plunges two fingers into her sex, crying out with a climax of her own.
~~But even that probly won't fit. So:
storyhopper The effort is paying off, as the way she moans and rocks back against you show that she's learning to enjoy the sensation of being fucked in the behind.
storyhopper She reaches down to caress the lips of her pussy as you fuck her, and when you come she plunges two fingers into her sex, crying out with a climax of her own.

As you push your cock inside of her you can't help but groan, and she rocks back against you; if she hasn't learned to enjoy herself, she's at least learned to make sure *you* enjoy it.

She groans as your cock enters her ass, eagerly accepting your shaft, and rocks back against you as you fuck her, groaning with pleasure all the while, reaching back to play with herself as you piston your hips back and forth, pushing her forward with each powerful thrust.

As you come she climaxes with you, your voices mingling as you shoot your load inside her.

She groans with pleasure, rocking back against you, and when you come her butt clamps down on you, milking every drop of hot come from your dick.

She comes twice before you shoot your load, and as you're pulling out she looks back over her shoulder at you, grinning a Cheshire cat grin.

She cries out sharply as you come, her voice muffled as she presses her face into a pillow, and she looks back at you proudly as you pull out, secure in the knowledge that she has done well.

She comes even before she has a chance to reach down and rub her clit, and twice more before you've finished, occasionally crying out how much she loves getting fucked in the ass.

She's inordinately proud of her anal sex skills, and gives every appearance of loving being fucked in the ass.

She almost won't let you go once you've come, trying to coax you back to hardness again, an before you go she thanks you for showing her how lovely anal sex can be.
~~And change it to:
She almost won't let you go once you've come, trying to coax you back to hardness again, and before you go she thanks you for showing her how lovely anal sex can be.
~~No 'd' at the end of 'and'

I'll continue later. Daisy: if you tell me to, I'll try to put storyhopper.push's/ (<br>'s and ); in. otherwise, I'll continue how I have been

[daisy_strike]

its fine like that i can find it and change it thats what counts. though please make seprate posts for any changes otherwise i consider them already done.

[slackerfuu]

By changes, you mean grammar stuffs? Or adding more to the 'list'? If the first: sure....if possible. Some are easier to say then, like splitting a sentence into two separate ones, each with a storyhopper in front. If the latter: planned to. The forum doesn't show edited posts as new content, so if a large amount of time has passed or I'm pretty sure you've already seen the post, I make a new one. Continuing on from my previous post:

She cries out as you enter her, leaning down to let your breasts rub against hers, and when you have finished training her she sniffles quietly, curling up in a ball.

She gives herself entirely to your training, concentrating on the act and the sensations it provokes...

The sheer novelty of the practice seems unsettling to her, but in time she is able to bring you to a powerful, shuddering climax.

Though unused to being the one with the cock, she quickly learns the joys of being able to *give* pleasure as well as receive it...

She kisses your breasts as the two of you fuck, making that little bit of extra effort to please you between orgasms, and in the end you stroke her hair proudly, pleased with your slave's performance.

She is so devoted to making you come that you reclaim the strap-on and give her several more climaxes before letting her rest, smiling broadly.

All in all, the hours you've spent with your slave, a veritable maestro of the strap-on, seems time well-spent indeed.

As you press your cock into her asshole, she holds back a grunt of pain and even starts to press back against you, pushing your shaft deep into her ass, until your full length is buried there.


Grammar stuffs:
The look of sheer devotion on her face as she pushes the strap-on between the wet, eager lips of your pussy. Riding that false shaft as she reaches up to tweak your nipples, crying out your name.
The look of sheer devotion on her face as she pushes the strap-on between the wet, eager lips of your pussy, riding that false shaft as she reaches up to tweak your nipples, crying out your name.

That should be it. Though a few things of text will probly still get cut off. Meh, at least this lowers the number that would get cut off.

One last thing: Daisy: yes or no to you putting the item's text in here. If no, I'll just grab it from in game is why. If yes, I'll be patient....